Tuesday, June 17, 2014

6 Classic Video Games That Use License-Free Music

The nice thing about public domain music is that it’s license-free. You can use it however you want and you don’t have to pay anybody. It’s like owning a factory in China. Surprisingly enough, license-free music shows up a lot in some classic video games. From traditional folk songs to classical symphonies, these tunes were perfect for any video game composer who felt like phoning it in.

Ride of the Valkyries – Richard Wagner
In Apocalypse Now, we hear Ride of the Valkyries being blasted out of a helicopter as it ruthlessly assaults a Vietnamese village. In Punch-Out, we hear it being blasted in the boxing ring as Nintendo ruthlessly assaults a variety of different ethnic stereotypes. It serves as the introduction music for a comically mustachioed German man named Von Kaiser, as well as a turban-clad Indian named Great Tiger. I guess it turns out that the perfect companion to Richard Wagner’s music is racial insensitivity.

Thursday, June 12, 2014

Big Ol' Dick Tracy Giveaway on Instagram

Do you follow Chicago Toy Collector on Instagram? If you don't, then you're going to miss out when the Big Ol' Dick Tracy Giveaway climaxes on Friday, 6/20. Visit the Instagram page now to enter to win this huge, bulbous package of Dick Tracy toys.

One winner will be showered with:
- Unopened digital wristwatch
- 2 wax packs of trading cards plus the box
- Full set of trading card stickers
- Lips Manlis, complete
- Dick Tracy, complete
- Steve the Tramp, complete with file card

Wednesday, June 4, 2014

Slightly Racist Heroes in a Half Shell

Part of the "Ethnic Intolerance" line of action figures.
The early 90’s was a time when the Playmates toy company decided to forgo the concept of “fun” or “relevance” or “good taste” and create Ninja Turtle figures of every sort, including athletes, army men, birthday party goers, whatever the fuck this is, rock stars, athletes again, spacemen and more. The early 90’s was also a time when the Playmates toy company just didn't give a shit about offending Mexicans and American Indians. Hence, the Chief Leo and Bandito Bashin’ Mikey from the Wacky Wild West line.

I never thought something could be considered “comically Mexican” before, but then again, I’d never seen a knife that’s shaped like a chili pepper. I’m also surprised Playmates didn’t figure out how to make Chief Leonardo shed a tear when you throw a wrapper on the ground.  

Monday, May 5, 2014

Friday, May 2, 2014

DJ BattleAxe is the the World's Best DJ Named After Medieval Weaponry

The face of artistic integrity.
You know how most kids’ music doesn’t involve a British man violently screaming into a microphone about eating lunch or hopelessly asking listeners if he can borrow money? Well, acclaimed children’s musician DJ BattleAxe solves both of those problems.

For anyone with an affinity for the goofy, offbeat or all-around weird, DJ BattleAxe is your musician. His bizarre lyrics about iconic childhood moments blend surprisingly well with catchy, danceable electronic music. Plus, his hilariously sordid back story paints a picture of a broken man, completely out of touch with reality.

Maybe I’m biased, since DJ BattleAxe is the secret brainchild of somebody I hold very near and dear. Regardless, check out DJ BattleAxe’s SoundCloud page to hear more, and be sure to like him on Facebook. You will not regret either one.

Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Hipster Douchebags Dig Up Garbage, Rejoice at Discovering Garbage

Garbage discovered in a landfill?!? Holy shit!
A group of nerd-pandering, hipster dipshits took a construction crew and a film crew and dug up a bunch of worthless Atari games that everybody already knew were buried there. Somehow, this constituted "news."

Friday, April 25, 2014

NECA’s Mego-Style Jason Loses the Hokey Hockey Mask

Are those Bugle Boys you're wearing?
Don’t get me wrong, I like Jason’s iconic hockey mask as much as the next horror guy. But it’s so 80’s that it’s almost no longer scary. I think Jason is a classic slasher, but he never really scared me as a kid. It was hard to be scared while eating Skittles and laughing at elaborately gory kills from a guy who looks like he should be in an 80’s metal band.

But Jason’s mask from the second movie scared the rainbow colored poop out of me when I was young. To me, somebody who puts a goalie mask on before killing people clearly cares way too much about his appearance. But there’s something very unsettling about someone who puts a sack over his head and only takes the time to cut out one eye hole (and isn’t the Elephant Man).

That’s why I love this upcoming Mego-style Jason figure from NECA. I love that it’s a throwback to old-school Mego 8” figures. And I love that it’s a throwback to a pre-goalie era of Jason. I’ll be buying the shit out of one of these in October.